5 lessons i’ve learned during my mom’s battle with cancer

If you guys have been following along on our Instagram (especially my personal Instagram), you know my mom has been battling breast cancer.

Since the moment my dad announced it on August 20, 2019, my life radically changed. We take so much for granted. I honestly and truly believed that my mom, my rock, my biggest hero . . . I was sure she was going to die.

Last fall was so awful but growing as mom searched for a place to begin treatment. If you want to read the poem I wrote about it, it really sums up my feelings on the subject.

My mom is currently home recovering from a full mastectomy. She was in the hospital for four days and still can’t stand up straight. I thought that, as this stage of the cancer is “over,” I’d reflect on what God taught me both spiritually and mentally. Here’s the SPARK notes if you wanna skim:

1. Cancer (and disease in general) is not just physical.
2. God is pure, beautiful light in such dark circumstances amidst dark feelings.
3. You aren’t doing nothing: the prayer of God’s people is powerful.
4. Health is precious.
5. We all have something to bring to the table.

1. Cancer (and disease in general) is not just physical.

When I use to hear someone had cancer, I only thought of the physical battle. However, there’s also a mental battle . . . and that, in a way, is even harder. It comes from the physical battle. And, while you can endure chemo and radiation and surgeries in hope of physical healing, the mental healing is all “up to you.”

It requires spiritual maturity. It requires strength enough to admit your weakness, humble yourself, and rely on the Lord.

And, long after the surgeries have been completed and the chemo pills are done and the pillows and pumps and needles are thrown in the trash . . . there’s still that mental pain. The fear that it will return; the loss of the body you’ve grown used to, decimated through surgery. The loss of your femininity, if dealing with breast cancer; the new, strange, restrictive diets; even the scars from ports and incisions and IVs.

Those don’t ever really go away.

2. God is pure, beautiful light in such dark circumstances amidst dark feelings.

Last fall, God emphasized over and over again in my life the emphasis and meaning of His being called Light. We often look at more solid attributes of God: His love, faithfulness, even justice.

But things like God being Light is a concept perhaps we can only truly understand when we are amidst the dark. It started when I reread Psalm 139. Please read over this; it’s G O L D.

Psalm 139:7-12

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
¹² even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

This gives me the shivers. It just so completely summed up my feeling. My brothers were away at soccer tournaments, my parents were in Georgia checking out the cancer center there, and my sister was away at a golf tournament. I was at school, feeling very plain and alone and just completely in the darkness, still trying to accept mom’s diagnosis.

But

then

this

verse.

WOW.

I am not in the dark. I’m never in the dark. Because I’m a child of the Light. I’m the daughter of The Lighthouse Keeper. He’ll always guide me in His truth and holiness.

3. You aren’t doing nothing: the prayer of God’s people is powerful.

I had to combine these two because they’re the same line of thought.

Prior to my mom’s cancer, when I heard about people going through BIG life stuff I felt so lame.

Like, so so lame.

There were these superheroes around me trying to get through school despite chronic illness or the deaths of parents of extreme financial strain. I felt unworthy to even listen to them talk about it; like a hotel was on fire and I happened to have a thimble of water.

What could I do, I wondered. I should be buying them things or taking them out to dinner or making them dinner or, I don’t know, alleviating the pain. That’s what I really wanted to do.

But your prayer? Wow. When people say they’re praying for my mom and my family, that is some powerful stuff. And I can attest to the fact that prayer WORKS because, whenever my mom was mentioned from the church pulpit and more people were praying for her, her mental comfort increased by the umpteenth power.

James 5:16

The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

I can’t even write down the biggest things people did for me. But it doesn’t have to be big. At all. Often, listening is the biggest thing you can do. Listening and praying.

There is one that really stood out, though.

My dear friend Kayla made time to come talk to me when I was in really bad shape. I felt spiritually attacked, and she stopped her test studying and came to read me Psalms. READ. ME. PSALMS. Wow. She didn’t even end up studying for the test, deeming it more important to comfort me.

4. Health is precious.

Ugh. I used to be so flippant about this. In Freshman year of college, I ate chicken tenders, ranch, and French fries every day. From age 14 I loudly hated on people who even touched salads. I dismissed gluten free as a myth, forgot about all my friends’ dietary needs, and literally said if I ever started gaining weight I’d “just starve myself” to get back on track.

That is not cool.

Health. Is. Precious.

Choosing a salad over fried chicken IS NOT “extra.” There’s an “extra” way to do it, but in and of itself it’s actually quite God-honoring. God has done a number to my own personal health and let’s be honest: I totally deserve it. Through it, He has so totally changed my mind about health and even the sciences.

Our bodies are so cool! So intricate! And now, more than ever, I am CONVINCED that God has given us all we need for life and godliness. I mean, did you know you can make your own dry shampoo out of corn starch and coco powder? Ingenious!

Now when I hear people joking about eating junk (P.S. I still eat a muffin every now and then, nothing ungodly about that) or being skinny/fat, it really gets me sick. Because I used to be them. And God has shown me through both my and my mom’s health journey that we have no right to perfect health or the “perfect” body.

5. We all have something to bring to the table.

My sister Rachel is a Freshman nursing major, and I’m a graphic designer (and I love writing). I’m mostly emotion; she’s mostly logic.

Through my mom’s health journey, it’s been cool to see how God has equipped Rachel and I to take care of mom. Rachel is so calming and levelheaded, bringing truth to any situation. She’s helping mom with pumps and drains and medications, whereas things like that make my head spin.

I instead want to know about my mom’s innermost thoughts and fears; the impact of losing her hair and femininity (note: not that you can truly lose your femininity as a woman). I’ve also helped start her blog and edit her blogposts, as well as written prose and poetry based on the cancer. I’ve also been updating people on social media.

Sooooo Rachel is the nurse and I’m the social media manager?? Great. Haha, just kidding. I love what I do, and it shows love to my mom in a way that’s different from Rachel, yes, but it’s still using my talents to love on others!

Mom’s cancer hasn’t been “lovely,” but it has been full of light. God’s light. It’s not over—it never really is. But I can attest to my God’s goodness even moreso than I could before.

Therefore, we’ll boast in our weaknesses.