Guest post with Mardi Collier, author of What Do I Know About My God. She wanted me to mention that the captions for her points were not written by her, but instead me just to break up all the text. 😉
Hi everyone! I’m an older woman. Guess I don’t have to reveal HOW old, but I qualify for sure. Amanda and I were able to work together for a summer, and she recently asked me to help her with a dilemma. She would like to get to know some of the older women in her church, but doesn’t know exactly how to go about it.
We, as Christian women, know that the older women have been instructed in Titus 2:3 to be teachers of good things as they interact with and mentor younger women. When this takes place, it’s wonderfully edifying for both the younger and the older. But the dilemma is:
How can both ages help this to occur?
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but can share some of the attitudes and actions that have helped me.
1. Behold the key!
The key to any relationship is always found in treating people with God’s kind of love (I Corinthians 13 love; see verses 1-7.) God’s love focuses on all people with
- patience
- kindness
- humility
- sacrifice
- rejoicing in truth
- forbearance
- endurance and
- hope
rather than with envy, pride, selfishness, and evil-thinking. Often though, we get off-base in our thinking about others and in the way we perceive them. Memorizing these verses and applying them to our interactions with people of all ages will change relationships because, “love never fails!”
2. It takes two to tango
Older women often feel that the younger women don’t want to know them or be with them. The same is probably true about younger women. And, to be honest, that is a possibility. That’s why an inviting countenance and friendly gestures are helpful because it gives a welcoming signal.
3. Bc everyone knows what salty really means
Young women may not realize it, but older women can be shy or insecure because we think we might be considered “out of it” in some ways – ie: technology, fashion, terminology, cultural issues, outdated.
We all want to be liked, so there is a fear of rejection factor.
Generally, women feel more comfortable with those in our own age group or stage of life or area of expertise. We tend to think that younger women might not want to be with us or listen to what we have to say because of these things, so to the neglect of the Titus 2 mandate, we often avoid reaching out.
Instead, show an interest in them. Philippians 2:3,4 says …in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Simple kindness is always an icebreaker and always encouraging.
4. Effortless (almost)
It’s always helpful and less awkward if you can interact together in a natural setting. Someone you work with, volunteer with, sing in a choir with, serve in the nursery with, would be a great place to start.
5. File away the facade
I have learned that it’s always best to be transparent and to be yourself (walking in the Spirit, of course.) Not trying to be someone you’re not is really important. Young women probably don’t want us to try to be like them, and we shouldn’t expect them to act and react as someone older would.
6. The lost arts
A lost art, but a major key for all age categories is the simple ability to ask questions. Very few people are good “question askers.” Think about it ahead of time. Come up with a few unique questions that you can ask. Or, give a conversation starter of some kind.
Along with asking questions, be a good, intentional, non-distracted listener. Look the person in the eyes and respond expressively. This encourages continued conversation.
Be teachable at all ages. We can learn from each other. I learn so much from my daughter, daughter-in-laws and my younger friends. They’re such a joy to be around!
7. Let loose.
A sense of humor and being able to laugh at yourself helps with every age.
//
These are just a few of the things I have learned and continue to learn. As you practice some of these attitudes and actions, you will find that you have made a friend who could eventually become a mentor, a prayer warrior, and even a trusted counselor.
So, have fun making new “old” friends!
// sample questions to get you going //
- Could you tell me a little about your family?
- How long have you been coming to our church? What do you like about it?
- Do you / did you work anywhere?
- What do you enjoy doing?
- Do you like to cook? What’s your favorite thing to bake or cook?
- How did you meet your husband?
- What are some of your favorite books?
- Could you tell me how you came to know Christ?
- Do you have an tips for devotions, prayer, Scripture memory?
- What is your “story?”
- Have you ever been to another country?
Something to keep in mind is to picture a conversation like throwing a ball back and forth. Rather than stopping the conversation with yes or no answers, always try to give the other person some way to throw the conversation back to you – either with another question or an interesting comment.
