Guest post by Rose Dickinson
A mom who won’t let you choose your own major or school.
A father who berates you and calls you names. Who’s in and out of the picture.
A mom who’s abusive.
However you define “difficult,” you’re living with a parent (or even parents) who might seem like anything but a gift from God. This is a hard topic. But it’s so, so important. Many kids suffer in silence. Many young women find they can’t move on due to years of abuse or “baggage.”
I’m here for you. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. And I also want you to find hope that’s biblically founded.
1. The importance of honor
We’ve always heard the command to honor and obey our parents. But what does that really mean? Here’s the thing: honor is a necessity. Obedience has caveats.
In both Colossians and Ephesians, Paul exhorts children to “obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” In Ephesians and the OT commandment to obey parents, we are also commanded to honor.
But if your parent ever asks you to sin, obedience is not required. God’s commands trump any human’s commands. However, we are still called to honor. What does that look like?
- Being calm during discussions.
- Being respectful during discussions.
- Giving your well-thought-out reasoning.
- Being willing to compromise.
- Seeking reconciliation if at all possible.
2. The toxicity of gossip
Philippians 2:1 says it well: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.” When parents are acting less than perfect, it’s hard to NOT grumble.
We may want to vent to someone else. When people grab us for a coffee date, our cup starts running over . . . and it’s not coffee or sweetness that’s coming out.
Now, I always put this caveat because it’s important to me: you may need someone else in your life who knows about this situation. Especially if there’s abuse involved (in that case, I would beg you to tell your pastor, pastor’s wife, or an older lady in the church).
But there’s a difference between confiding in someone for the sake of your sanity or safety versus seething out of a place of anger and vengeance and a sense of injustice.
3. The power of community
Don’t suffer in silence. I wish I could wrap you in a hug and promise you it’s all going to be okay. And while you do have to be careful not to gossip, there’s also an aspect of telling others that can be releasing.
Without it, you may feel insane. You may wonder if what you’re experiencing is real or if you’re “reading into it.”
This person can be a trusted friend (I’d suggest one whose spiritual walk you really respect) or an older mentor in your church.
4. The end of oppression
Our God is the God of justice. I love Psalm 146:
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
who executes justice for the oppressed,
who gives food to the hungry.
If you feel oppressed or if you are suffering injustice (even if it’s something you deem “small”), give it to God. Search the Word and try to show them the love of Christ. Sometimes if you want someone else to change, you have to change first. Pray for them passionately; show them honor; love on them however you can.
I could write a whole book about this. This post is so short and small and it’s tempting to think maybe it minimizes the problem.
But all of these tips are based on Scripture, and Scripture is powerful.
God is bigger than any injustice or oppression. He is a kind Master, and His yoke is easy. He’s a God of vengeance, and His plan is perfect. Trust His hands. Trust His heart.
