single? be someone else’s cheerleader

I haven’t talked about singleness here because . . . just ew. I feel like what I hear about singleness comes from a good heart but just isn’t working. And yes, maybe some of these things are true, but no one backs them up; they’re simply quotes people toss around.

There’s a lot of good content out there. Lots of well-meaning blogposts and quotes and captions. I haven’t wanted to add to the noise: but I finally think I have something to say.

I want to provide a simple challenge to EVERY single girl, whether you’re watching Hallmark and downing ice cream on the weekends or thriving in your singleness: start being the cheerleader.

Yep, that’s right!

I’ve realized that the more my life revolves around myself, the more miserable I am. I thrive when I’m cheering others on, encouraging them in their hard moments, and looking out for their best interests.

So, how do we do this exactly? I’ve got some practical suggestions.

1. Handle social media.

When you see engagements or wedding pictures, don’t close out of Instagram and give into the negative feelings. Of course, this isn’t a one-hundred-percent-of-the-time thing: sometimes for your own mental health, you should unfollow those people or log off.

But, if you want to start healing, be willing to celebrate with others. Comment, write them congratulations, say congrats in person. It’s all very healing.

Action step: Unfollow people you don’t need in your life. This isn’t being mean; the Bible says to remove temptation.

Action step: Say congrats on someone’s engagement (or baby shower, whatever you’re struggling with). Note that life isn’t all about our FEELINGS; so maybe you don’t necessarily feel giddy with excitement for them, but ask God for grace and step out in faith that the joy will come.

2. Say yes to third-wheeling.

Be okay with chaperoning. This may be outdated (anyone else from the uber-conservative South??), but maybe you have a friend who has to have (or prefers to have) a chaperone. So, third-wheeling? Yes, do it!

You can get to know the couple better, support them, and add to the fun. It’s a great way to test how you’re doing.

Action step: Keep an eye out for third-wheeling opportunities. I’m not going to be super specific with this because offering to third-wheel could be seen as being clingy . . . and honestly, sometimes couples just wanna be ALONE.

3. Be honest.

If you’re jealous of someone else, I recommend you come clean. Just tell them you’re having a hard time being happy for them but you really do want to try. Keep reading below for a further explanation of this . . .

4. Understand how BAD jealousy is.

I didn’t understand how bad jealousy was until I let it grew a little; man, it’s like mold. There’s a tiny bit at first, but then BAM! It takes over everything.

Satan WANTS to keep you unhappy. He wants you to say no to weddings or third-wheeling-outings or showers or parties. He wants you to sit in your room and feel left out.

But here’s the thing: we’re doing it to ourselves. Right? This is mostly said about the small business community, but we can learn from it: “Community over competition.”

I told myself I was not going to let something small come between my relationship with people. It’s this evil circle! I want something I don’t have and I convince myself I’m alone, so I cut myself off from people and then AM alone . . . then I’m even more miserable and want companionship and around the circle goes.

The not-so-secret secret

Want to know the secret to “accepting” your singleness? Yup, all those cliches: not seeing it as a transition to get through, not thinking a guy is the be-all-end-all . . . but also being willing to step outside of yourself. Being willing to not see yourself as the hero of EVERY STORY.

It’s being okay with playing the best friend character sometimes.

Ultimately, it’s about humility. Because that, my dear friend, is when I as a writer would take your story and write an off-shoot story about that amazingly endearing best friend character.

Because her story is worth telling. Because she is a champion of others.

Because she is beautiful inside and out.

/ / /

God, I see other girls being adored and I want that too. But, more than that, I know I am already adored—by you. You who have chosen to be a God close at hand. You have chosen to hand carve each of us to, to handpick our purposes and passions and paths. I am adored by the King of the Universe—and that is enough for me.

9/16/20