First off, a broken heart doesn’t just happen because of a breakup with a guy. Maybe you’re suffering from a broken heart onset by the rejection of your best friend. Maybe your neighbor’s broken heart is from her distant father and cold childhood. And maybe their neighbor is suffering from a broken heart because their estranged grandparent just passed away.
No matter what your broken heart came from, I want to share with you six of my bestest tips for overcoming it. Notice I didn’t say “getting over it” or even “healing.” The truth is, we can’t ever “get over it” fully. It’s hard to explain, but you can be TOTALLY FINE WITH THE SITUATION but still not be over it.
A scar from falling off a swing “heals,” but there’s always a little patch of too-new skin.
Before we get started, I want you to think back to Psalm 23. If you’re a new believer, this Psalm is absolutely golden. If you’ve been a believer for a while, I KNOW I KNOW: not this passage again, right?
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness[b
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
But I want to point out something my boss last summer, Miss Mardi, told us. Although the psalmist speaks of the valley of the shadow of death, he talks about walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
Not
- standing there
- running past
- running through
He’s calmly, thoughtfully walking.
And not just walking: but walking THROUGH. That gives me such beautiful hope that, yeah: we might be walking in a rough patch. But we’re making progress with every step. We’re walking through, not just in.
Before we get to the good stuff, just a little advertisement for my FREE ebook “Low: When Depression Hits.” This is a great read for when you’re going through a broken heart and has even more tips than are available here. You can get it for free by signing up for our mailing list and clicking HERE.
All right, here we go!
1. Don’t reminisce.
NONE. Absolutely none. Don’t keep thinking about those moments, whether good or bad. Once you start, you’ll never stop and living in the past cheats you out of your now.
This takes a ton of self control. For me, mornings were the worst so I would plug in my headphones and turn on the Revive Your Hearts podcast. Didn’t matter what the topic was: I just needed that sound to drown out my own mindwith the constant preaching of God’s word.
2. Decide how much communication is necessary.
If you’re dealing with a broken heart from a parent, be careful about allowing them back into your life. As Christians, we have to be kind to them and allow for a possibility to mend the situation. But if that person is toxic to your mental or spiritual health, you have to let go all the way.
If the person is the one who rejected you, find a way to still be polite and show them the love of Christ without putting yourself in harm’s way again or giving them the opportunity to use you. This is really tricky because they may have good intentions and really want to patch up the relationship, but while God does call us to love others, I don’t believe He calls us to let ourselves be beat up.
I tread carefully here because, yes: our Lord and Savior allowed the soldiers to slap Him and beat Him up. But, first off, He did that so we didn’t have to go through that. Second, if you consider the command to turn the other cheek if you’re slapped, that is a reaction. The command isn’t to put yourself in a place and practically ask to be slapped but, if you are, deal with the slapper graciously.
3. Don’t mope.
Now, don’t misunderstand me: you need a few days to grieve. It’s part of the healing process and, if you skip that part, you could actually be harming your mental health. We have hearts of feelings and passion, not hard stone.
But girl, set a time limit and after that limit, it’s okay to be okay. You don’t have to keep beating yourself up.
4. Seek community.
Our first reaction is to totally isolate ourselves. We grab the nearest shovel and dig a grave to bury ourselves in, but maybe the worst part is that we’re still alive.
When you’re alone, you have too much time to let your own thoughts drown you. We automatically want to relive the past (see point one) or consider the level to which we were wronged. But that’s just thoughts. It can’t change the past, the present, or the future.
Throw yourself wholeheartedly into serving others. Find out what others are going through and pray for them because now you know too what it feels like to need prayer because you feel hopeless.
5. Accept your situation.
Maybe your grandmother died. Maybe your mom left. Maybe your boyfriend broke up with you. There’s something beautiful in us that often tries to convince us that they’ll come back. That it’s just a joke; the body in the coffin isn’t real.
That she’s gonna come back; she has to, she’s your mom after all.
That he’ll change his mind and actually love you.
I won’t say this is the total end. Maybe your mom will come back. But your broken heart is looking to heal itself this one way and what if that isn’t possible?
This also goes with accepting trust in God. I used to think that trust is a feeling (mainly because I’m a very emotion-driven person). If I didn’t feel it, I just thought I wasn’t capable of it. Boy, was I wrong! Make the choice and fake it ’til you make it. Choose trust.
6. Don’t be convinced you’re okay.
This may sound weird, but here’s what I’m talking about. With a broken heart, you begin to create safeguards to ensure you won’t ever get hurt again or to help you heal. Some of these are good, some of these are bad.
There will be some days you feel like you’re totally over it and you’ve healed. It’s during those times that you let your guard down and drop all those shields. But I can almost guarantee that you aren’t a hundred percent okay yet. It’s GREAT to feel almost normal again, but I just want to caution you to be ready for the slump that’s coming.
If you still need a little help, don’t forget to grab my free e-book on depression by signing up for our mailing list.
I also want to leave you with this free downloadable mantra you can put up on your wall. Sign your name at the bottom to promise you’ll choose to believe this!
