The first time I heard about a “word of the year” was reading Robin Jones Gunn’s blog (a Christian fiction writer whose novels really helped mold my teenage years). At first, I couldn’t imagine narrowing down a whole year to one word, especially since the year hadn’t even begun yet. Who knew what word I would need?
the power of ONE word
However, the next year it just felt RIGHT. In 2018, the word “persevere” came to me halfway through the year and became my banner. It carried me through many a storm and found itself written in Micron on my wrist, where I’d lay my fingers often just to remind myself I still had a pulse and, therefore, a purpose.
In 2019, I chose the word “abide” to sum up my desire to be in God’s presence (specifically, through prayer) more. You can read more about that in the editor’s note of our upcoming Intercede magazine issue (releasing March 2020).
For 2020, I wasn’t sure about choosing a word. I don’t believe in doing things just because . . . but almost immediately after I thought this, my word came to me. In fact, a verse came to my mind. A verse that two friends had shared with me in the same day; a verse I’d shared with my mom in her darkest moments of battling cancer; a verse that I loved so much I embroidered it onto a hat.
I usually read KJV and ESV, which translates that last word as “silent.” But I was captivated by another translation: “still.”
STILL.
It’s a word that has been circling around my brain for a lot of this semester. I noticed that I’m always DOING. I can’t even just work out; I must be watching a show or listening to a podcast. While I eat my breakfast, I get on Instagram and plan a new caption or story. During classes, if I can maintain my grade and participation grade, I work on other projects.
I even made a video about this because God began convicting me. In a way, it’s great I’m using life to the best of my ability and not wasting a second. However, this spirit of multitasking follows me into sacred places like church, chapel at school, and even times of listening to others.
- When I should be encouraging and uplifting, I’m googling macronutrients and designing layouts for the magazine.
- When I should be participating in prayer at church, I’m outlining my Monday and trying to fit everything together.
- When I should be paying attention in chapel, I’m brainstorming ideas for an upcoming project.
When trials come, my mind goes a million miles an hour. I plan, I condemn, I try to figure out how to eliminate or lessen the “side effects,” if you will. I am anything BUT still.
And God looks at me from Heaven and shakes His head and says, “I am SO willing to fight for you. In fact, I need to because you can’t do this alone. You’re just going to run around in circles until you’re too tired to keep going. Then you’ll come to me . . . but why not just come to me first? Just be silent, dear one. I will fight for you.”
I am dealing with so many things that are bigger than me.
Moses stood in front of the Red Sea, thousands behind him, water ahead.
Hannah stood in the temple, cradling the womb she feared would never carry a child.
Gideon stood with an army that was far too small by man’s standards, carrying torches instead of swords.
My mom has cancer.
I was diagnosed with something that could alter my life.
Every day I find a new food I can’t eat and the doctors have no answers to why I feel the way I do.
Moses didn’t scream and run into the Red Sea like a banshee. He didn’t even pull out a piece of paper and map out a better route. God gave Him the strength to BE STILL as he raised his hands in trust.
Hannah didn’t rush to her friends and ask for advice. She didn’t try all the weird wives’ tales. She went to the temple and, there in the STILLNESS, raised her hands in trust.
Gideon didn’t hand out swords and charge into the camp with thousands of men. He listened to God’s plan in his own STILLNESS and dared to believe in an impossible plan, holding torches in trust.
So, here I am.
STILL.
Finally ready to listen.
